“Yes, I really do mean everything.”
Louise Morris (Yours Truly)
There is one answered prayer that changed the course of my entire life, and without which none of the stories I’ve previously shared would exist. If there is such a thing as a “date with destiny” then this would qualify. This is the story of The Big One.
It was around New Year, 1998. I had been married to my first husband for four months, and my daughter, Isla, had just turned three.
Unexpected Visitors
We were expecting a visit from some of my husband’s old school friends – whom I hadn’t yet met – although we weren’t exactly sure when they might show up.
One evening there was a knock at the door. Assuming it was our long-awaited visitors, I went to the door to let them in. Two young women dressed in black stood at the door.
“Come in, come in!” I said, stepping out of the way so they could come inside.
“Em,” they responded, hesitantly. “We’d better tell you who we are first. We are from the Church of Latter Day Saints.”
Oops! I had accidentally invited the Mormons into my house thinking they were someone else.
I fumbled for a response. Should I admit the truth and appear ridiculous for inviting strangers into the house? Should I rescind my invitation and tell them to go away? Hoping they hadn’t noticed the strange look on my face, or my hesitation, I decided my best option was to just pretend to know all along who they really were and told them to come inside – much to my husband’s surprise.
That evening, they tried their very best to convert us to their religion – without success. My husband and I were atheists and we took great delight in debating our fervent visitors, arguing with their beliefs and – I hate to admit – mocking them for their faith.
However, they were not deterred and showed up a week later for another debate session. I still can’t believe I let them in the house a second time. And a third! Then another!! Week after week they showed up at our door and each time I would inexplicably let them in, still not wanting to appear ridiculous.
A Challenge Issued
After about five weeks of these visits, the Mormons became frustrated with us and decided to use a different approach. They said that while they could debate us forever, we might instead settle our differences by way of a test. One where we would ask God ourselves if “He” (their words) was real. A God test.
At the time, I considered myself a budding scientist. I pondered their challenge and found something inviting in their logic.
So later that evening, when the visitors had departed and everyone was asleep, I closed my eyes, held my breath and silently uttered The Prayer That Changed Everything.
“God, are you there?”
A Prayer Answered
God replied!
It was a silent, wordless reply, but a reply nonetheless. For as soon as I had asked the question, I got the answer.
I felt an explosion of energy burst inside me and then a feeling that I can only describe as waves. Wave upon wave of loving, pulsing energy washed through my body, from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. It was a warm and loving feeling and I wasn’t scared. All I could do was silently exclaim, Oh my God! Oh my God! over and over and over again.
It sounds like a cliché, but time really did appear to stand still as the loving energy continued to wash through and around me. I guessed later that maybe an hour passed before the experience faded.
During all this time my husband slept next to me, unaware of the revelation taking place just inches away.
I Woke Up A Changed Person
In the morning, I got out of bed a changed person, and without saying a word to anyone about what happened to me during the night, I got ready for work and forced myself to act as though nothing had happened.
I should have been overjoyed to receive such an answer. Yet an uneasy feeling settled in my stomach, as I tried to make sense of my undeniable answer.
“God is real! God is really real!” I thought to myself. “Does that mean I’m a Mormon now? Oh my God, not a Mormon. I make fun of Mormons. And my husband, what will he say? What will everyone else say?”
An Inner Disquiet
My inner disquiet grew over the course of the week that followed, until the next visit from the Mormons.
“Well,” they asked almost immediately, “Did you do as we said? Did you ask Him?” (Again, their words.)
Of course, their questions were directed at both of us – my husband and me – but I knew he hadn’t asked and I was either going to have to choose to be honest or ignore the truth in order to preserve life as I knew it.
The two missionaries sat waiting for a reply. I considered my options, as the uneasy feeling in my stomach increased.
Finally, I decided to speak, not yet knowing what would come out of my mouth.
“Yes, I asked,” was my short reply.
“Well?” They prodded.
“I got an answer,” was all I was willing to say.
The Mormons were temporarily overjoyed, because – even though I hadn’t specifically said what the answer was – they knew what my response actually meant.
They started speaking about baptism, choosing dates, and visiting their church. But soon they fell silent as everyone could tell that the energy in the room had shifted as someone nearby was seething.
That visit turned out to be the last the Mormons would make to our home, and also the quickest. They made their excuses and stood up to leave. I walked them to the door and as we said goodbye, one of them gave me a hug and asked if I would be okay. I wasn’t sure I would be.
The End of Life as I Knew It
As I closed the front door I wished with all my heart that I had lied, for within a moment I would find out that my marriage of fewer than six months had ended.
Well, unofficially ended, because to keep the peace and avoid an immediate divorce I agreed to an ultimatum and then pretended for the next five years that nothing had happened. I kept my revelation a secret – from everyone.
After the ultimatum, I went to the bathroom, locked the door, and cried in despair. I was new to this whole praying thing, but I silently pleaded, “Help me!”
Again, I received an instant response, as a feeling of comfort washed over me and my tears ceased to fall. I would go on, officially married but secretly knowing it was all over, pretending to everyone that everything was the same as it always was.
But everything was not the same.
I knew a truth, a truth that couldn’t be unknown. Old interests faded overnight and my life seemed shallow and superficial compared to my spiritual awakening. Immediately, I resolved never to mock or make fun of another person for their beliefs ever again. Then I went on a secret quest to learn as much as I could about Spirit, spending much of my lunch breaks at the library. I read spiritual books, metaphysical books, books on all different religions and spiritual perspectives. I felt I had a new purpose in life, and even though that purpose had to remain secret, I refused to forget the answer I received in the darkness.
Rebuilding a New Life
After about five years, I felt strong enough to end my marriage and to find someone to share my spiritual journey with; someone who would cherish my spiritual side instead of suppress it. If you’ve read my book Where is my Soul-Mate? then you know I found that person. My husband, John, is the most spiritually adventurous person I know. When I first saw his bookshelves, with hundreds and hundreds of books on every spiritual topic you could think of, I knew I had hit the jackpot!
I have hesitated to share this story so publically, for many reasons, but without this particular story, none of the others I share – whether they are for the prayer book or not – have any foundation and their deeper significance is hidden. So I’ve shared.
Yes, I received an answer from God. God is real! I know that without any doubt. As to the nature of God, I’ll leave that up to you to determine. It’s not my place to tell you that. If you believe God is an old man who sits in the clouds, that’s fine. If you believe that God is a force, a consciousness, an energy, that’s also fine. All points of view are valid.
An Invitation
If you are like me before I met the Mormons, then I extend the invitation they gave me so many years ago. Your answer may not look like mine; have no expectations. Feel free to share your answer with me, even if you feel you have to keep it a secret from everyone else. I get it!
Louise x
